So I was reading some of my friends blogs earlier today, and came upon something that I've seen before ...
it was one of those survey type things, but with a twist. Basically, it said
"Write something to 7 different people that you'd like them to know, or something that you had to
say, but never could tell them directly, or just something that should have been said sooner or later.
No names, just words."

I realized that it was something that I've wanted to do a lot of the time. Things that I wanted to say, but never did.

This is the sanctuary for those words left unspoken.

Maybe if you're one of the few people who read this, you'll see something that
was once supposed to be directed to you.




In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.





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Posted by: ThisIsMySelfDefense

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Original: 9/8/2008 11:12 PM
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Monday, September 08, 2008

 Hell is oneself.
Hell is alone, the other figures in it merely projections.
There is nothing to escape from
, and nothing to escape to.
One is always alone.


Three months ago, I moved to the city that never sleeps, the center of the of almost everything on this earth. I surrounded myself with 9 million other people, and told myself that I was moving forward with my life. This time, I told myself, I would be the one outgrowing the past, moving on. New job, new town, new life.

Two months ago, I realized how wrong I was. I realized that I didn't know anyone in this city, and that my lifestyle did not afford the circumstances necessary to recreate a new social base. I comforted myself, knowing that I still had my foundation from past years to return to. I still had my stability, my safety net.

One month ago, you told me that you thought it would be a good idea if we didn't speak again. I respected you. I respected her. Friendship was important to you, and I always understood that. Just not my friendship. We haven't spoken since.

l'enfer, c'est les autres

I don't care to try anymore. This is me, moving on.


Eight years ago, I learned that you don't have to be a bad person to hurt the people that you love. It's easy to justify, when you want to believe that you're doing the right thing. Mind over matter. We can always justify ourselves, because nobody wants to be a bad person. The truth is though, no matter what we tell ourselves, we hurt those we love most when we don't care enough to protect them.

Hell is being alone, when surrounded by people.


Every moment is a fresh beginning.
 Posted 9/8/2008 11:12 PM - 9 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment

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Visit Beckbites's Xanga Site!
here's to you.
Posted 9/9/2008 8:34 PM by Beckbites Xanga Lifetime Member - reply


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